Winning Single and Married

The primary reason a man should leave his father and his mother and cleave to his wife is for companionship. Both are to be involved in each others life intimately.

Genesis chapter 2: 15 -20

15 And the Lord God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it.
16 And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat:
17 But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.
18 And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
19 And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.
20 And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.

Adam was the first man that God created, And God put him in Eden to dress it. He had the strength, skill and an unusual wisdom according to verse 20, he gave names to all animals and he wasn’t exhausted.

When you google reptiles alone, it will blow your mind the different species and names. Adam gave names to them all. Amazing, right!

He was never short of names. God poured himself into Adam, he had the strength, the skill, he had the wisdom.

Everything was good until in verse 18 God looked at Adam and saw his innermost need, loneliness and God said it is not good.

With all his achievement he was alone. He was alone not because he was the only creature in the garden, there were animals but he was alone because there was no one that looks like him. No one to share ideas with, there was no one to compare things with, No one that could reason like him and no one to reason with him.

God said I will make him a help suitable for him.

No matter the achievement of a man, no matter is position . There is a position in his life that nothing can fill. A place in his heart that longs for a help meet.

And in verse 21- And the Lord God cause a deep sleep to fall upon Adam

Adam was in a place of rest when his help was made. God could have decided to create Eve in any other way, but He chose the position of total calmness. Because the intention of God is that his the help meet will give him rest all the days of his life.

That is the intention of God for every marriage. When you find a wife, you find rest, not when you find a girlfriend. When you find your rib, you find rest.

Since then every woman has been given the responsibility of being a help suitable for her husband . It’s a great privilege and a huge responsibilty.

God took the rib and he made the woman out of a need. Having in mind that there’s a responsibility for this woman to fill.
And While God was shaping Eve , He had the responsibility in mind. God fashioned her to be completely capable of the assignment.

She is the answer to the question, The solution to the problem and The provision to man’s innermost need

The Bible says He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord. Proverbs 18:22

Therefore a wife is too necessary to be ignored. For Adam without Eve is incomplete.

And in Verse 23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.

What a statement of Love. A statement of gratitude. This is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh .  He saw Eve and could see nothing less than himself in a unique model. He said this is me.

When a man looks at his wife, he should see himself.

She is an answer to the question of man. She is the cure to his loneliness.

The primary reason a man should leave his father and his mother and cleave to his wife is for one important reason and that is companionship. Both are to be involved in each others life intimately.

Therefore marriage is a gift of companionship. So I will say There is no intimacy as intimate as marriage, it may not be grammatically correct but I’m trying to drive home a point.

What Adam needed most was in him. God could have made Eve the same way Adam was made but in his infinite wisdom, He chose a rib. The answer to the loneliness of Adam was within. And when God chose a rib, He is telling us that
No one can know you better than your wife. And no Man should be so intimate to you than your husband.
It’s an error when you have something you don’t discuss with your wife but you find a female outside to discuss with. No!  it’s not part of the plan for marriage.

The rib was taken from the man , so they are so intimate.

At the center of this Union was God. His design for marriage is satisfying intimate relationship for both husband and wife. And no matter who you are and what you have, there’s nothing under heaven that can substitute for relationship.

Marriage is a union of love because that’s Gods nature. If God is in charge of your marriage God’s nature love must be show in it.

Whatever you commit yourself to do it you must done on the premise of love, anything outside that profits nothing. Every good act without Love has a selfish motive.

Every human want to feel loved. And when a man is in love, nothing is to too difficult to show his love. Look at the story of Jacob when he wanted to get Rachel. He didn’t give up, Even when Laban played him and gave Leah instead of Rachel. He didn’t mind labouring for another 7 years. In total 14 hard years to get RACHEL. The bible records it was just like few days. When there is love mountain will be easy to climb.

In marriage, to be loved by one’s spouse is the ultimate desire. That’s why you got in there in the first place. And when you receive it, what it produces is success.  The man will achieve his potential to the fullest when He has the backing of his wife. The wife will achieve greatly, when she has the confidence of her husband. You will help her believe in herself, to achieve her dreams.

See Ecclesiastes 4:9 – two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labor, they can help each other succeed, they have a good return for their labor, it is a better deal. They have a good reward for their effort. It is better that two should be together than one, for they have the advantage of their society. Together they can work more effectively.

Life does not guarantee an easy trail. There will be high times, there will low times too. The Bible says if one falls one can help the other up. One will lift up his fellow. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.

Husband and wife you are made to support each other. You are to cover each order nakedness you have to reach out and help each other.

There are men right before their very own eyes their wives are being destroyed, because they are not responsible, sensitive and accountable. The wife keep depreciating, ask him what’s wrong with his wife, he will say I really don’t know, you don’t know because you don’t care to know.

Christians homes are not excepted. How many people come to church with troubled heart.

If you really care about your wife, you should know what is going on in her life.

Love your wife as Christ love the church and gave himself for her.

Malachi 2:14-15 says

14 You ask,(A) “Why?” It is because the Lord is the witness(B) between you and the wife of your youth.(C) You have been unfaithful to her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.(D)
15 Has not the one God made you?(E) You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring.[a](F) So be on your guard,(G) and do not be unfaithful(H) to the wife of your youth.

Whatever you make out of your wife, you will give account. ( vice versa)

The Bible says if two lie down they will keep warm.

Wife attend to your husband , Cherish him and let him lie in your bosom. Nurse and let him lie on your chest. That’s your responsibility. No one can do it on your behalf.
You are the only one who has right to make him warm. No other woman under heaven is permitted to warm another persons husband.

So you can’t deny him, starve , frustrate him or punish him. You just have to do what you need to do.

Also, coldness could be linked with feelings , loneliness, despair, sadness. You are to warm him up with your prayers,speak into his life words of encouragement, that is what marriage is made for.

All area must be focused on if any marriage will last. What are the things we need to do, if that love we had while we were in courtship should multiply.

Let’s look at Gods definition of Love, which is seen in 1 Corinthians 13. This is an important ingredient in Marriage. A whole chapter is dedicated to this important word.

Love is Patient: Ability to wait for something without getting angry. When you set time to leave the house and your wife is taking longer than necessary, what would be your reaction?

Love is kind: To treat your husband the best way you possibly can. To be kind to him no matter what he just did, you still chose to be kind. He just said something that you are not okay with and now he needs your help, you still chose to be kind to him.

Acting kindly, talk in a kind manner. While you focus your attention on those things that he does well, his strengths not his weaknesses.
While you appreciate him for what he’s doing well no matter how small.

Love does not envy: Real men Do not get intimidated by their Wife’s success.
He creates an environment in which is wife will thrive the more. He understand that her success is his success. And behind every successful woman is a more successful man.

Love does not brag
Good wives don’t intimidate their husbands by their achievements as well. Whatever heights, success or qualifications and achievement, she recognizes the impact of her husband in it.
At least she’s the wife of someone. Deborah the wife of Lapidoth. Even though we don’t know lapidoth but Deborah could only function well because she had the support of her husband.

Love is not arrogant proud. With all that Deborah accomplished it was not written of her that she walked with shoulder high against her husband. You may be the president of a country but when you are with your husband, recognize his presence.

Love is not rude/dishonors.
Some of the things you tolerate at your place of work, you don’t tolerate a bit of it with your spouse at home.

Love is not self seeking
Marriage is not satisfying yourself . If you are getting into marriage and you cannot do all this, it’s better you just stay single so that you don’t cause pain in the heart of the person you get married to. Selfishness is not in the dictionary of marriage. iIts not about fulfilling your own need but fulfilling the need of your spouse.

Naturally we are all self centered but for us to have a great marriage, we must be selfless. It is putting the preferences of your spouse as priority.
It’s making sure that your wife interest comes first. Marriage is selfless.
Why will you always want to have your own way?
Self act in marriage, everything. Must be about your own satisfaction.
Whose family member should come visiting. How long can they stay. You just want to be on top of every single decision and If it’s not in your interest, it won’t fly. Love is Selfless. If it’s all about your comfort without considering the comfort of your spouse, that is not love. Seek the wellbeing of your partner.

Love is not easily angered, not irritable
This is the number one sign that a man is tired of his wife. He gets angry at the slightest thing. When the children are playing , he will blame the woman. When the food is a bit odd, he’s quick to blame the woman. When the car key is missing , it is the woman. If he wake up late and miss his appointment, it’s the woman.
Love is not irritable.

Love keeps no record of wrong, thinketh no evil.
As close has the tongue and teeth are, they still offends each other. We are human who aren’t perfect yet. But has we offend each other we must make a decision to forgive. A commitment to forgive your husband, to forgive your wife.

Your husband did something you don’t like, truly you deserve to be angry, But dont make every week is remembrance of his offense. Stop making reference to it every now and then. It’s naturally to keep offense , but it’s divine to forgive, work at it. Don’t carry pains, hurt from one season to another season. It hurts relationship badly .

There was a time I told myself that if now I cannot work on my marriage and at every little thing , I have to argue with my husband. Then it won’t change when we are 100 years. I see elderly couples who can argue over water. They did not just start, it was from the onset of marriage. If you want your wife or your husband to still love you and have this intimate relationship that is as if you just get married, you can not overlook all this point. If you don’t want it when your marriage is 30 years, you got to stop it now.

Forgiveness is a commitment you must make as a wife, you could be disappointed by your husband. Maybe he said something you don’t like.You could be disappointed by your wife. She could behave in way you don’t like but you must make a commitment to forgive.

And for the Singles:

The period of courtship is the period to know yourselves. You must create time to communicate.
Discuss what you like and what you don’t like.
There must be an agreement between the two of you. Both must pursue the same goal.

It’s not a time to go from one outing to another.
In Courtship you must open your two eyes wide. It’s during this time you will get to know if the person is truly the right person for you.

There things that may come up.
A brother in the church May have an anger issue. And any slight misconception, he abuses you verbally or emotionally or physically.

If there’s is a mistake in courtship there will be. A mistake in marriage. A wrong courtship produces disastrous marriage.

If the person does not consciously work on himself.

It’s a time to communicate -and a time to pray together. The praying together is important .

There are something physically you may not understand but when you pray together the lord will level the ground concerning your courtship and marriage.

It’s important you don’t let any man soothe talk you and also you don’t marry a lady because of physical beauty.
What you see today that is attracting you to that man to that woman may not be there tomorrow. And that the truth about life.

If you marry a woman because of beauty when she start having children. She could be slim and after two kids she add weight.

Or when she becomes pregnant and her look changes. So what happens – Love will be suspended till after she put to bed.

Know why you are going into marriage. It’s a life time commitment.

Marriage is fulfilling and could be frustrating
Marriage is exciting and could be exhausting
Marriage is sweet and could be sour
Marriage is lovely and could be lonely

Marriage is beautiful but it could be disastrous . Marriage could stab a heart in a way that you cannot describe. Be sure you are on the right track.

Don’t ever look a failed marriage and say , it’s because they didn’t love themselves. Maybe they were wrong somewhere. And that can’t happen to me.

You can be genuinely in love into marriage and still end a failure, getting married is a journey without end , you have to do every thing to keep getting better in your dealings with your spouse.

How do you speak to your wife , how does your wife attend to you does it make you happy as a wife, does it make you happy as a man. How often do you verbally show love to your wife, you said I love you last when you were courting.

I remembered when I was in courtship and in my fathers house I was crying, why? Because I missed my husband to be. there was no mobile phone, so I could only see him in church the following weekend.

But can my husband travel now and I will cry, No, My children will ask me if everything is okay.
But that is to say that the chemistry you had in courtship may not be the same 20 years down the lane in Marriage. But when you work at some aspect along the way, it will still be strong.

How many times do you appreciate the little sacrifices of your wife?
When your husband goes out of his way to get things done for you. Do you appreciate him?

Words are powerful. It will make and mar. It will build and pull down.

Spend time together and give attention to each other. These things as little as they are , they ignite relationship.

Marriage is very sensitive take care of it. that’s why Some people got it right at the beginning but as time went by they failed because they aren’t sensitive to the need of their spouse.

Give attention to your husband , your husband looks bothered but do you care to ask questions. Encourage him to be who God has made him to be with the words of your mouth. Let him know that he matters. Pray for Him

Love your wife unconditionally , let her know that without her, you will be far from fulfillment. Speak favorably to her

No man can lay his life down for his wife and no woman can be subject to her husband in every thing without God at the center point of their lives.

Abby Lebby

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